5 Bad Relationship Habits to Kick in 2017

When you sit down to write out new year's resolutions, don't forget to take the opportunity to pen a few relationship resolutions that will make your relationship even better. Here, our experts get you started with five that will stop you from bickering — and could even make a few fireworks fly.

1. Nonstop nagging.
Says relationship expert and advice columnist April Masini, we often nag when we don't get the results we want. In other words, we're sick to death of finding the socks beside the hamper, so we get into a routine of telling our significant other to put them away until our floors are sock-free. But "you can become aggressive in trying to get those results," Masini warns, which won't do good things for your relationship.
"The better strategy is to change your own behavior. Recognize that nagging isn't the best use of your time, and look for a creative solution to the need you want met instead of barking up the same tree over and over again."

2. Playing the blame game.
Is it never your fault in your relationship? "It's very easy when problems arise to immediately blame and shame our partners," says Alisa Ruby Bash, licensed marriage therapist in Malibu. But by playing the blame game, couples can quickly cross the line from a calm conversation into dirty fighting.
"When we get used to aggressive name calling and hitting below the belt, it can be very difficult to let go of our wounds," Bash explains. "Although arguing is inevitable in even the healthiest of marriages, the way we fight our battles and the words we use can impact our entire future together. So learn to take responsibility for your feelings and reactions when discussing issues. Communicate authentically with kindness."

3. Not showing your appreciation.
"Telling your spouse you love him every day is easy, cheap and not fattening, but so many people don't do it," says Masini, who recommends showing our appreciation in even the smallest ways. Sending a sweet text message or going old school with a love letter tucked in your spouse's purse or wallet are heart-melting moves that don't cost a thing, she says. You could also purchase inexpensive items such as a book or single flower to show your appreciation for all your significant other does on the daily.
"Make this the year where you really show your significant how much you appreciate him or her with little gestures," Masini says. "A year filled with little gestures is much better than one grand one."

4. Getting too comfortable.
Admits Bash, "we all can get too complacent at times." But when we stop putting in the effort we did in our dating days, "we risk losing the spark that brought us together in the first place," she says. "If we start to become more like roommates than lovers, it can be very difficult to find our way back to romantic love." Chemistry, says Bash, isn't always natural. It too can take work.
So this year, "pay attention to your partner's feelings and desires," she says. "Try to resolve anger that builds up between each other. Make your relationship a top priority, even if you are parents. And take care of yourself so that you feel attractive enough to be sexual with your partner."

5. Staying stuck in a rut.
If you find yourself repeating the same things over and over and over again with your spouse, you could be stuck in a rut boring enough to put your relationship right to sleep. "Lots of us resort to certain behaviors such as having sex in the same position or spending date night only at dinner and the movies," she says, "but a great way to live is to shake it up in all corners of your relationship."
Some ways you can shake up your relationship include spending time volunteering together, taking a cooking class, exploring a museum, or setting out on a road trip. "Shaking things up takes effort," Masini says, "but the payoff is finding new interests and new adventures as a couple, and that's a great reason to shake off the rut this year."

OLIVIA WILDE PROVES BREASTFEEDING CAN BE A FEMINIST ACT: 4 REASONS IT EMPOWERS WOMEN

There’s certainly a lot of strange debate going on about breastfeeding. It’s World Breastfeeding Week, and on Tuesday, Olivia Wilde, new mother and breastfeeding advocate, posted a picture on Instagram from her photo shoot with Glamour magazine in which she’s breastfeeding her three-month-old son, Otis, in – GASP! – public. Although it was a staged shot, and very likely done in an empty diner, the photo wasn’t just beautiful, but an act of feminism.

After all, not only does public breastfeeding still have a stigma attached to it, but in addition to the fact that your breastfeeding photos could still be banned on social media outlets like Facebook, your right to breastfeed in the open doesn’t even have legal protection in some states.

In Virginia and South Dakota, they are kind enough to consider breastfeeding moms exempt from nudity and public indecency laws, but there is still nothing on the books that protects as women’s right to breastfeed in public. And don’t even bother with Idaho, where breastfeeding has zero legal protections.

But when Bustle wrote about Olivia Wilde’s photo Tuesday and put the post on our Facebook page, many commenters failed to see what’s so feminist about breastfeeding.

One commenter wrote, “What the hell has breastfeeding got to do with feminism?” Another said, “Breastfeeding doesn’t make you a feminist. It makes you a MOTHER.” And then there was one that boggled my mind: “A feminist? Really. Sooooo I’m a feminist because I have a period?”

There were very few, in the 40-plus comments, who understood that breastfeeding is a very feminist act indeed. So we thought we’d clarify why breastfeeding is, at its core, feminist.

No, women who do not to breastfeed are not somehow less feminist than those who do. But here are four reasons why breastfeeding is — both in public and in private — in its very simple way, a radical feminist act.

IT’S ABOUT TAKING CONTROL OF OUR BODIES

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Body autonomy for women is still a fight. As long as politicans think they have some sort of say in our reproductive rights, our bodies will never truly be our own.

By breastfeeding, women are exercising our right to do with our body we choose, despite a society that frowns upon women taking control of pretty much anything. Because even though breastfeeding doesn’t pose any sort of risk to others, it still makes some people uncomfortable: it flips our notion that women’s bodies should only be presented in a teasing way, as objects for consumption. And that’s a notion worth subverting.

Forty-seven states may allow breastfeeding in public, but that doesn’t change what other people in public will do or say about it. Oh, and there’s a good chance you’ll be kicked out of some places for “nudity.” If taking a stand against a patriarchy that winces at the breast providing food for a baby isn’t feminist, then I don’t know what is.

IT EMPOWERS WOMEN

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I feel like this one is obvious, but let’s break it down, shall we?

Breastfeeding is the perfect illustration of women’s right to choose in what ways we will use our body. By breastfeeding, we exercise our ability, without the reliance upon anyone else, to be the difference between life and death. This tiny baby that you brought into the world needs you and, as its primary food source, it’s hard not to feel empowered when you see just how important your body is to its existence.

IT HELPS ERASE THE IDEA THAT BREASTS ARE ONLY FOR SEXUAL PLEASURE

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When my sister had her first baby, her husband resigned himself to the fact that her breasts, as he knew them, would never be quite the same. He’d joke that he “lost” her breasts to their son, Jackson, and he hoped to have them back someday. But then her second son, Elliot, was born, so he had to wait even longer. Their purpose was no longer sexual, in his mind, but rather a source of nourishment and life for his sons.

Since my sister was the first person close to me to have a baby, I had never thought of it that way. It never crossed my mind that breasts could be viewed as sexual at some points in a woman’s life, then shift to a more functional role. It was an interesting perspective my brother-in-law had, but the feminist in me was somewhat aggravated when he called my sister’s boobs “his.”

Somewhere along the line (I blame the puritanical views of the Pilgrims, honestly), breasts became associated with sex. Breastfeeding, which most people don’t define as “sexy,” is basically saying, “I’m more than my body. I’m more than my breasts. I will not be objectified and only be viewed in a sexual light.” We may be sexual beings, but we’re not sexual objects put on this earth as some sort of prize or toy for men.

IT BRINGS WOMEN ONE STEP CLOSER TO GENDER EQUALITY

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As the ones who bear children, we are automatically seen in a different capacity than men. But every time a woman breastfeeds or pumps in an office setting, she’s proving that we can be both mothers and career women. Or as Feministe so perfectly put it, it proves that a woman can still ”get shit done in her life — it makes a statement that women belong, that women’s bodies belong, that women are here.”

By openly breastfeeding, we’re emphasizing that though we have unique powers, we’re not some special group that needs to be coddled — far from it, we do the coddling and then some. So get your laws and judgement off our bodies, and let us do us, OK? We have things to do and we’re masters at multi-tasking.

Images: Glamour; Kora Organics; Pink, Bubble

10 Tips on How to Experience Mind Blowing Quickies ...

Want to spice up your sex life, but haven't got the time? With working, seeing family and meeting friends, it can be a nightmare keeping your partner happy too...here's my top ten tips on how to have a mind blowing quickie, and keep everyone happy!

1. Use Lube!

Saving time means skipping some of the foreplay, so make sure you've got some non oil-based lube nearby to keep things pain free!

2. Do Some Planning..

While you might feel spontaneous is better, a little planning can go a long way. Make sure you are wearing a skirt, and if your feeling risky, how about adding crotchless panties? They are sure to drive him wild and save time!

3. Kiss!

While you might be in a hurry, there is no need to cut out all the romance. A long, passionate kiss is perfect for making sure everyone is in the right mood.

4. Feed His Ego...

Tell him you've been looking forward to seeing him, or exactly what you'd like to do to him...whatever you have to say, boosting his ego will make him eager to impress!

5. Forget Candles...

Part of the passion is the unplanned, unromantic environment, so forget candles and soft music, and think ad breaks and while the tea cooks instead!

6. Make Noise...

Show you are appreciating the effort by making some noise!

7. Think Positions...

Some people enjoy doggie, some love girl on top. Think about which way you, and him, get the most pleasure. Remember you are aiming for speed!

8. Balance!

While you don't need to cuddle for hours, don't start ignoring him either. If you are both rushing out, make sure you share a kiss on the way out the door. If you're watching TV, put your arm around him.

9. Don't Make It a Habit...

While quickies are healthy, they shouldn't be your whole sex life. Take some time for slow, romantic sessions too or you might start feeling neglected.

10. Have Fun!

The quickie will be a success if it works for you, so do what feels good and go with the flow. It'll be worth it!!

So next time you've got five minutes to spare, you know exactly what to do, wherever you are! Just remember to have fun, and to practise safe sex. Babies really get in the way of a good sex life! Have you got a tip for an amazing quickie? Please share it with me!

DAILY SEX BOOSTS CHANCES OF GETTING PREGNANT

The chances of pregnancy for a couple in a given month will depend upon many things, and some that they can easily control. One of such is frequency of sex. Experts say that having sex daily is the best way to ensure fast conception, reports Sade Oguntola.

Are you worried that you may be infertile? For some women, getting pregnant happens easily. For others, it can take time and may even require medical help. One of the reasons why many women do not get pregnant easily is lack of regular sex between couples. It is hard for some couples to include regular sex in their daily activities. But this is often overlooked in relationships.

Many couples bitterly complain they are not getting pregnant, forgetting that infertility is only thought of medically in a couple that had lacked ability to conceive after one year of regular, unprotected intercourse. This includes having sex at the right time.

Research has shown that the more sex a man has, the better his level of fertility becomes and thus his chances of becoming a father. Regular sex ensures that sperms of higher quality are produced.

The finding, presented at the 2007 American Society for Reproductive Medicines Annual Conference, and which is of particular significance to couples facing challenges of conceiving, suggested that daily sex could increase the quantity of sperm produced and improve the chances of pregnancy.

The research, which suggested that sperm sitting in the body accumulates damage as it ages, indicated that if sperm is released in a steady stream, due to steady sex, the sperm that is ejaculated contains newer and less-damaged cells.

Australian researchers, looking at the sperm quality in more than 40 men whose wives had either failed to get pregnant through Invitro fertilisation(IVF) or had repeatedly miscarried, found that when the men had no sex for three days, their sperm contained high levels of DNA damage. Ironically, on testing the men after having sex every day for a week, the amount of damage dropped by a third.

Dr Abisola Abisoye-Ogunniyan, an embryologist, in an edition of Fertility Update, a publication by The Bridge Clinic, stated the significance of semen quality in couples facing challenges of conception.

According to Dr Abisoye-Ogunniyan, the amount of semen a man can produce as well as the number and quality of spermatozoa in his semen sample is determined through semen analysis.

Sperm swim in and are nourished in the semen. Once inside the fallopian tube(s), they have a life span of about five days. This means the sperm can be in the fallopian tube for five days in advance of ovulation and still fertilise the eggs. But low semen volume affects the life span of the sperm cells. It is associated, for instance, with the number of days of abstinence from sex.

However, sperms genetic makeup (DNA) can become more damaged the longer it remains in the body, cutting the chances of fertilisation and raising the risk of a miscarriage in the first weeks of pregnancy.

According to the expert, one day of abstinence can cause at least 20 per cent reduction in the sperm count. So the longer the period of abstinence from sex, the poorer the sperm count.

“A study in 2004 found that men with repeated normal results from semen analysis produced abnormal samples if they abstained for more than 10 days. For a longer period of abstinence, more dead sperm cells will be found in the ejaculate.”

Conversely, Professor Ayo Arowojolu, a consultant obstetrican and gyneacologist, University College Hospital (UCH), Ibadan, Oyo State in a lecture entitled “In search of the causes of unexplainable fertility in Nigerian men”, stated that “if a couple do not have sex at least three to four times a week to ensure they maintain the desired closeness, they cannot be sure to have a child.”

Couples often try to time everything perfectly for ovulation, but do not have sex when they think they are not ovulating. No doubt, sex that is not within the time of ovulation will not result in pregnancy. However, because women do not always ovulate when they think they will, having frequent sex will help a woman not to miss any opportunity to get pregnant.

Professor Arowojolu declared, “the woman ovulates one day in a month and you do not know the day. You might calculate the fertile period and by the time she gets to that fertile period, the man might be too tired or out of town due to work.”

It is a common notion by some men that if they abstain for longer times before say, ovulation, their sperm will be better. Although there may be more volume, there will also be more sperms with damaged DNA.

He added: “But with sex at least three to four times a week, the chances of getting pregnant is higher if they meet that once a week or say at weekends.”

There are, however, other reasons couples are finding conception difficult. For example, a long-term use of contraceptive pill can lead to fertility problems for some women. It will take some time after stopping the use of contraceptive pills for the woman’s body to be normal again, especially when the woman is of an advanced age.

In addition, a pursuance of narcissistic lifestyle for so many years; that is, smoking, drinking, having unprotected sex, dieting, and exercising excessively, can be a cause of infertility in Certain Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease, which can affect fertility. According to Professor Arowojolu, infections such as Gonorrhoea and Chlamydia are the major causes of infertility in men in Nigeria. This is because men still practise unprotected sex.

He reiterated: “Unfortunately, Chlamydia, unlike Gonorrhoea, does not show itself until it has done a lot of damage in the body, including blocking the fallopian tubes in the woman.”

There is a general consensus among fertility experts that an optimum weight be maintained when trying to get pregnant. Being over or underweight can affect the regularity of the menstrual periods and inhibit ovulation in women. Too much weight around the stomach can also affect the hormone balance, impair fertility and delay pregnancy.

Smoking deprives the body of essential nutrients for fertility, including zinc, selenium, and vitamin C. It increases levels of toxic substances like cadmium and lead in the blood.

According to Professor Arowojolu, “the Lead content of the Nigerian environment is higher than what is acceptable all over the world. Evidence has shown that Lead is one of the causal factors for infertility in men. Lead affects fertility by destroying the sperm, testes and the prostate. It also affects the kidneys.“

He linked Nigeria’s high level of lead content with the use of leaded petrol, indiscriminate citing of petrol stations, battery chargers activities and foundries and poor disposal of industrial wastes.

PHOTO OF THE DAY: AUSTRALIAN COUPLE SHAGGING IN PUBLIC... #LOBATAN

 And it seems like the policeman is enjoying the show waiting for them to finish before arresting them for...self exposure and constituting public nuisance...hehehehe. Continue to see the uncensored photo...

smh for these two people sha

THE BEST SEX POSITIONS TO GET PREGNANT

The missionary position is among the best sex positions to get pregnant faster. The missionary position is considered optimal for conception -- though, of course, you can get pregnant having intercourse in almost any sex position

The missionary position got its name because missionaries reportedly insisted to their heathen flocks that all other sex positions were sinful, and that sex only serves one purpose, to get pregnant and that this face-to-face coital arrangement was the only acceptable among all sex positions to get pregnant..

In the traditional missionary position, the woman lies on her back with her legs spread and both of her knees bent and her feet firm on the bed. The man is on top facing her. There are also variations on the basic missionary position: The woman raises one or both of her legs, for example, and the man holds them or places them on his shoulders; or she extends one or both of her knees.
The missionary position is the best sex position to get pregnant because it's very comfortable and allows good body contact. The partners are facing and can kiss and hold each other the whole time they're having intercourse. The woman is able to move relatively freely, and the man can keep some of his weight off of her body by lifting himself up with his hands or elevating his body using his knees.
This position is the best sex position to get pregnant when it comes to conception because when the woman lies on her back, the vagina is tilted downwards toward the cervix, making it easier for the sperm to get through the cervix and into the uterus. Also a plus for the missionary position is that it allows the penis to penetrate more deeply into the vagina, so sperm can enter the cervix more directly right after ejaculation.

When making love in the best sex position to get pregnant, and if you want to further improve your chances of conceiving, after ejaculation, take these steps:
The man should keep his penis in the vagina as deeply as possible so that a minimal amount of ejaculate leaks out
After withdrawing his penis, the man can gently press the woman's labia together to prevent further leakage
The woman should remain lying on her back for an additional 20 to 30 minutes, preferably with her lower back supported by a pillow so her pelvis is tilted slightly upward

It's normal for some of the ejaculate to flow out of the vagina when she gets up, and it doesn't lessen her chance of getting pregnant because at this point most sperm remaining in the vagina are no longer viable. For the same reason, staying on her back longer than 30 minutes won't improve a woman's chances of conception.
If you feel more adventuresome, consider these other sex positions to get pregnant to enhance your conception chances:
Lying side-by-side can be a relaxing position and easier on a partner who is overweight or has a back problem. Your can do this either face-to-face or in the "spoon" position with the man entering her vagina from behind.
In the rear-entry position, the man enters the woman's vagina from behind. She either lies on her abdomen, kneels, or they lie side-by-side. The man stands behind her, maybe at the end of a bed, or he kneels. This position also allows the sperm to be deposited close to the cervix.
Using either position, after he ejaculates, she can either stay on her abdomen for 20 or 30 minutes or roll onto her back with her hips elevated, as described above.

Needless to say, whichever sex positions to get pregnant you use to try to conceive, enjoy what you're doing and don't make it into a chore.

HOW TO AVOID PAINFUL SEX

Are you suffering from painful intercourse? If so, you are not alone. Female sexual pain is rarely discussed in the media, at the coffee shop or even in the doctor's office but it is a real problem for many women and some men. Dyspareunia (from Greek meaning "badly mated") is painful sexual intercourse, due to medical or psychological causes.

The symptom is reported almost exclusively by women, although the problem can also occur in men. The causes are often reversible, even when long-standing. Intercourse pain, or Dyspareunia, can cause problems in a couple's sexual relationship. In addition to the physically pain, there is also the possibility of negative emotional effects where, If you experience pain during sex, it's almost certain to be distressing for you.

This distress may well make you tighten up and this tightening up will very likely make the pain worse next time. Who loves going back again and again for pains? So the problem should be addressed as soon as it becomes evident.

What causes it?
There are dozens of possible causes for this type of pain, fortunately, many of them aren't too serious, but a few are. Ideally, the assessment should be done by a doctor who is skilled in the technique of vaginal examination.

One of the first things to be established is: is the pain deep inside you? Or is it near the outside?
This may not be easy to say as sometimes a pain is both superficial (near the outside) and deep. Deciding which it is can help sort out what's wrong.

But in many cases, a woman can experience painful sex if there is not sufficient vaginal lubrication. When this occurs, the pain can be resolved if the female becomes more relaxed; if the amount of foreplay is increased, or if the couple uses a sexual lubricant.

In some cases, a woman can experience painful intercourse if one of the following conditions is present:

• Vaginismus. This is a common condition in which there is a spasm in the vaginal muscles, mainly caused by the fear of being hurt. Vaginismus arouses strong emotions, and women who have it are often very angry with their partners, doctors and themselves. But the condition is no one's fault.

Common causes include:

• A restrictive upbringing, in which the woman was brought up to view sex as nasty or dirty.

• An upbringing in which the woman was given the idea that the vagina is very narrow and so sex must be very painful.

• A history of rape or childhood sexual abuse. Experiences like these understandably make women fearful of sex and of being hurt.

• A medical history of painful vaginal infections.

• Unease with the partner – perhaps at an unconscious level.

It is a common misconception that women with vaginismus dislike sex altogether. In fact, many women with this condition enjoy closeness with their partners.

Many get great pleasure from love play and some are able to reach orgasm in this way. But the enjoyment ceases when penetration is attempted or suggested.

What are the other causes of deep pain during sex?

• Vaginal infections: These conditions are common and include yeast infections.

• Problems with the cervix (opening to the uterus): In this case, the penis can reach the cervix at maximum

penetration, so problems with the cervix (such as infections) can cause pain during deep penetration.

• Problems with the uterus: These problems may include fibroids that can cause deep intercourse pain.

• Well-endowed partner: Some women complain that their partner’s penis is too big. In fact, when a woman is aroused and

relaxed, the vagina extends by several inches – so any female should be able to accommodate any male.

• Endometriosis: A condition in which the endometrium (tissue lining the uterus) grows outside the uterus.

• Problems with the ovaries: Such problems might include cysts on the ovaries.

• Pelvic inflammatory disease: The tissues deep inside become badly inflamed and the pressure of intercourse causes deep pain.

• Ectopic pregnancy: A pregnancy in which a fertilised egg develops outside of the uterus.

• Menopause: The vaginal lining can lose its normal moisture and become dry.

• Intercourse too soon after surgery or childbirth:

• Sexually transmitted diseases: These may include genital warts, herpes sores, or other STDs.

• Injury to the vulva or vagina: These injuries may include a tear from childbirth or from a cut (episiotomy) in the perenium (area of skin between the vagina and the anus) that is made during labor.

Does intercourse pain affect men?

Sometimes men experience pain during intercourse. Common causes are skin disorders on the penis such as eczema or psoriasis.
It can be that the woman's vagina is too tight for her partner. A good sex lubricant can help here.

Occasional causes of male pain include:

• thrush – in which case the female partner will probably have thrush too

• a forgotten stitch left in the woman's vagina after childbirth

• an IUD thread or a displaced IUD in the vagina

• Peyronie's disease – a male disorder that causes bending of the penis.

How Can It Be Treated?

Some treatments for painful sex in women do not require medical intervention. For example, in the case of painful sex after pregnancy, wait at least six weeks after childbirth before attempting intercourse. Make sure to practice gentleness and patience. In cases in which there is vaginal dryness or a lack of lubrication, try water-based lubricants.

Some treatments for female sexual pain do require a doctor's care. If vaginal dryness is due to menopause, ask a health care professional about estrogen creams or other prescription medications. Other causes of painful intercourse also may require prescription drugs.

For cases of sexual pain in which there is no underlying medical cause, sexual therapy might be helpful. Some individuals may need to resolve issues such as guilt, inner conflicts regarding sex, or feelings regarding a past abuse.

Call a doctor if there are symptoms such as bleeding, genital lesions, irregular periods, vaginal discharge, or involuntary vaginal muscle contractions and ask for a referral to a certified sex counselor if there are other concerns that need to be addressed.

Summing up Whether you're female or male, you shouldn't disregard pain occurring during intercourse. If it happens more than once, it's time to see an experienced doctor. Very often, the problem is curable. Avoid ongoing sexual pain and discomfort that could be destructive to your relationship and to a woman's sense of wholeness.

Seeking help for sexual pain is just as important to a woman's health and well-being as getting help for a tooth-ache or broken leg.The pain and discomfort are real and often worsen without treatment.
So before it destroys you, your partner and eventually your marriage. Find a solution