5 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE, EVEN ON VALENTINE'S DAY

Yeah yeah, it is that time of the year again when a huge chunk of the world’s population goes loony over that love thing. I can’t be bothered, really. Goodluck to all those who insist on participating in the foolery. Who am I to ask that you desist from this soul-numbing exercise…go on have fun!

However, lest you all be left to your poor selves and ruin loving forever, I have decided to intervene again and save you lot from the foolery of amorous over enthusiasm. Yeah, I get it: you can’t help yourself. That person you have always wanted is now yours and all you think you need to do is make statements that you think are endearing but are really idiotic in the ears of your lover. He/she would most likely say nothing but by love, your lover is ready to pay top dollar for you to shut your ignorant trap.

Participate in the foolery all you want, but don’t go as far allowing the following come forth from you:

I’LL DIE FOR YOU

No you wouldn’t. You can’t. It is inhuman for one human being to die for another human being. Forget that Christ did it; he wasn’t human, so get rid of your saviour self-elect tendencies! If an armed robber or a member of the Nigerian Police stopped your car while you are driving with your lover beside you and asks that who should he shoot, it is only natural that you point at your lover. This is the nature of things. Do not be fooled by the nonsense Jack did in Titanic; each person should die his/her own death. I’ll die for you is a statement made by fools and believed by even more foolish people. Desist from that idiocy.

I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU

Yes you can. And very well too. In all my years on earth, I have never seen anyone successfully jump into the grave while a lover was being buried. Yes, abundant tears may be shed graveside, but to die along with a lover is a human impossibility. Even Romeo and Juliet, the poster kids for stupidity where love is concerned, are an accidental suicide case and they were barely fifteen years old. I’m sure you are not that young and you should be wiser by not spewing inanities. Get a grip, people!

I’LL NEVER CHEAT ON YOU

What does this even mean? How can anyone faithfully make this ridiculous declaration, seriously? And please, who believes this nonsense when it is uttered in their direction? Of course, I can cheat on my wife. In fact, I have cheated on my wife severally.  I have shagged Halle Berry, Sofia Vergara, Angelina Jolie, Janet Jackson, Gabrielle Union, Toolz, Tiwa Savage, Kate Winslet, Hellen Mirren, Beyonce (while pregnant) and Rihanna, together. In my mind, of course.

Should I wake up one blissful morning and find myself in the bed of any of these people, I do believe the proper thing to do would be to call the wife and expect to receive hearty congratulations. I will do the same should she fulfil her desires with Richard Gere or Brad Pitt. Your propensity to refuse advances is directly proportional to the quality of advances received. If you are drop dead ugly and receive zero green light, surely it must be easy for you to say stuff like I’ll never cheat on you. If, on the other hand, you were Tiger Woods at his prime, then the reality is different. Or you are Angelina Jolie and you can see that a 3rd of the men in the room have their eyes locked on your body parts…abeg, make we leave story jor.

I’LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU

Nah, not gonna happen. No one is always there for another person. Always being there is a tiring endeavour, often an exercise in futility. Get a life, you fop, you narcissistic popinjay! What if the person does not always want you there? Your constant presence can actually be a vomit-inducing experience for that lover. Be off with your unwanted self, my friend. Create space, please; some fresh air shall do your lover some good. Buzzzz oooofffff!

YOU’LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER LOVER LIKE ME

 Huh? Seriously? What manner of man/woman are you? What form of spineless, unformed, pathetic creature says something like this? Where did you come from, Uranus? If you have ever uttered these words to another being, you deserve eternal damnation in hottest parts of hell with the devil holding your hands like a lost love. You make me sick. Your likes are a kobo a dozen, sold on wheelbarrows under Apongbon Bridge. Even if you feel this is a threat, just makes you even more pathetic.  You need-a-new-life…die, now!

Source: http://www.thenetng.com/2012/02/14/5-things-you-should-never-say-to-someone-you-love-even-on-valentine%E2%80%99s-day/

VALENTINES'S DAY GIFT IDEAS

    

    * What You Need To Know
    * Chocolate is the official source of nutrition on Valentine's Day.
    * Lingerie is a tricky but rewarding gift -- do your research on which pieces will suit your woman.
    * Women love to be pampered, so at-home spa gear is a great go-to purchase.


Valentine’s Day can go one of two drastically different directions: 1) Execute it perfectly and you will be basking in adoration for the next 365 days; or 2) Drop the ball and you spend the next 365 days trying to correct the error of your ways. Don’t fret, though, making your partner’s day is easier than it seems. Case in point: These can’t-fail gifts that let her know she’s the center of your world.

 Expensive, soft cotton bed sheets are not something that a girlfriend really needs. Which is why they would make an excellent pampering Valentine’s Day present. She might think you’ve gone overboard, but once you slip between the smooth sheets together, she’ll understand. The bonus for you is that it will make her want to stay in bed all day! Look for Egyptian cotton with a thread count of at least 400 and go for a designer brand like these from DKNY.

 Flowers are always a popular choice for Valentine’s Day and a pretty safe option regardless of how long you’ve been with your girl. Casual girlfriends and wives alike love getting flowers. Go classic for Valentine’s Day with long-stemmed red roses or think outside of the box with a delicate orchid.

 Lingerie is another Valentine’s Day gift that benefits the gift-giver as much, if not more, than the gift-receiver. It’s a win-win situation. Sizing can be difficult when it comes to underwear. The best way to make sure you’re getting the right size is to take a look at one of her bras when she’s not looking and write down what you find on the tag. You could also go with a sexy slip, nightie or teddy since these items usually come in standard sizes like Small, Medium and Large. Victoria’s Secret has five pages of Valentine-themed lingerie for you to choose from. It goes, without saying, though, that this is definitely not a first-date gift.

 It’s not that the massages you give her aren’t good enough. It’s just that getting a massage from a professional means that she can totally relax and let trained hands work her stress away. Do your research and find a spa or massage studio that provides an all around soothing atmosphere. Start your search with SpaFinder.com.

 Perfume can be a risky buy since everyone’s preferences are different, but if you choose something that you would love to smell on her every day, she will definitely appreciate the sentiment. If you don’t know her scent of choice, try Giorgio Armani’s Acqua di Gioia, which is exactly what it claims to be, “A clean, incredibly fresh, aquatic scent that is ultra-approachable, yet memorable.” It comes in a variety of forms, including shower gel, hair mist, body lotion and a special Valentine’s Day gift collection.

Sensual body products
Let her know you’re in the mood for love by giving her a gift of sensual body products. Kama Sutra offers a variety of products made of natural ingredients that serve as the ultimate foreplay aids. Their gift sets offer smaller sizes of popular items like Oil of Love, Pleasure Balm, Honey Dust, Massage Oil, and Body Souffle, so you can try out a little of everything!

Spa gear
Help turn her own bathroom into a relaxing spa experience by getting her everything she needs to pamper herself. Start with some smells-good-enough-to-eat bath and body products. Don’t forget some candles, an essential oil burner or a reed diffuser to set the mood. You can get everything you need at The Body Shop.

Chocolates
Chocolate is the go-to gift for romantic occasions that will never fail you. Avoid the trap of your run-of-the-mill chocolate, though, and go for a brand that defines quality and taste. Lindt LINDOR truffles are guaranteed to be irresistibly smooth and delicious. Plus, they come in red and pink packaging, and in heart shapes for Valentine’s Day.

THINGS TO DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY

Are you starting to think of things to do on Valentine’s Day? The key to a special, romantic holiday is planning ahead. Whether you have been in a relationship for a long time or just a few weeks a special Valentine’s Day celebration can make lasting memories.

Many couples like to go out to eat on Valentine’s Day but if you really want to do something with a personal touch try creating a romantic  picnic for the two of you in a special place. Generally you can’t go wrong with making plans to spend time together in a special way.

Men and women think very differently so take this into consideration when you are making your plans for the day. Women, as a general rule, like chick- flick type romantic interludes while guys may prefer more sizzle. Remember that you are planning the day for your spouse (or significant other) and not for yourself. Try to come up with ideas that will make it special for them.

Love Letters

Who can resist love letters?

Channel your inner Shakespeare and send your mate a love letter a day starting on January 30.  Whether you send the letters to the house or to the office doesn't matter as long as they are received.

If you prefer, you can hide the notes in various places for him/her to find each day.

    * A coat pocket
    * A lunch bag
    * A wallet
    * The dashboard of the car

Use your imagination and find unusual places for the letters to be hidden.  Just make sure that they will be found on schedule.  Hiding one so well that it isn't found until June is just not that romantic.

Again, as a general rule women will like love letters that are romantic.  They should be about how beautiful she is, how amazing she is, her characteristics, and other pleasing aspects of her personality, beauty, and character.  Men, generally, will like to hear about their sexual prowess, their amazing muscles, and how incredible they are.

Don’t scrimp on the words, and be very generous with your admiration.

Create a Romantic Destination

Have you ever seen the honeymoon scene in It’s a Wonderful Life ?

The bride creates a romantic destination when honeymoon plans go awry.  Is there somewhere that your spouse has always wanted to go?  Create an exotic evening by reproducing some of the ambiance of that place.  Use decoration and special food, music and even a DVD to create the atmosphere of the dream vacation spot.

This is a great time to experiment with role play and fantasy to make the evening everything you could imagine from your destination spot.  Some tips to make this work:

    * Choose a wine from that location.
    * Choose foods that would be served there.
    * Consider how you would be dressed if you were actually there.
    * Get books from the library to help you choose the props that you need to create the perfect ambiance.

Slow Dancing

Slow dancing is romantic, sexy, and a perfect activity for Valentine’s Day.

    *  Choose some good mood music.
    * Clear a portion of your living room or den to give you space to move.
    * Place candles around the room.
    * Have a bottle of champagne chilling in an ice bucket.
    * Ladies, this is a great time for that slinky red dress you have wanted to find an excuse to wear.

Massage

A massage is an intensely personal and intimate gift.  Buy some massage oil or a LUSH massage bar (Try Soft Coeur: milk chocolate and honey) and lay out the satin sheets.  Try to keep everything soft and sensual.

Light some scented candles and turn the lights down low.  Soft jazz music playing in the background isn’t going to hurt.

You can get an idea of how to give a good massage at How to Give a Killer Massage.

 Paintball

Seriously?

Yes seriously.  Most guys like active things.  A girl with a weapon is hot.  Playing a game of paintball or air soft might be totally out of your comfort zone but it may be smack in the middle of his.  Extra points if you wear black jeans, and black top.  Paintball is messy to try not to wear anything too good or that you will feel badly about if it gets ruined.

More Things to Do on Valentine's Day

    * Play an adult game.
    * Play scrabble but only use Valentine’s Day language
    * Use chocolate body paint
    * If you live in a warm area lie outside and watch the stars and talk.
    * Roses. Yep totally cliché. But they still work great.
    * Make a special homemade gift.

If you are not the romantic type, guys, all is not lost. Lame as it sounds rent a couple of chick flicks and watch them. Take note of the leading man, what he does that seems especially romantic. Is there a way that you could incorporate that into an idea for the two of you? You may get many ideas of things to do on Valentine’s Day so pay attention.

Most of all remember that it really is the thought that counts. Time spent together is the most important thing of all.

11 SENSUAL VALENTINE'S DAY IDEAS

 * What You Need To Know
    * You can't go wrong with sensual pampering, like massages and spa-like baths.
    * Lingerie is a timeless sexy gift.
    * Use sensual treats like chocolate to spice things up.

Let's fast-forward a few days: It's Monday morning, you're standing by the water cooler casually exchanging stories about the night before -- Valentine's Day -- with the guys. What kind of guy do you want to be? The conservative, who "surprised" his girlfriend with a box of chocolates and a fancy dinner? Boring. Even the boss' morning meeting stories are more interesting than that. The ol' married guy, whose sex life depends on that very day? Please.

This Valentine's Day, you can be the guy who stepped outside of his chocolate box, who dared to do something a bit more kinky, and who can stand by that water cooler with a smirk on his face that doesn't require any explanation.

Where to start? If you want to impress her, start by pleasing her with these 11 sensual Valentine's Day ideas.

1- Prolonged foreplay

Let's jump right into it (no puns intended): When was the last time you engaged in prolonged foreplay that did not culminate with penetration? Exactly. We underestimate how important it is to warm her up, make her feel special and, ultimately, have her so turned on that she's begging for it.  

We know what you're thinking: "Seriously?" And, "Am I capable?" Yes and yes. Sometimes the anticipation is hotter than the climax. So, we recommend relishing that moment of anticipation because, hey, you'll enjoy it too. Kiss, touch, lick, tease, bite -- you choose the verb -- all night long.

Finally, if the idea of prolonged foreplay without it leading to penetration is painful, think of it this way: There's no better time than Valentine's Day to make the sacrifice -- and she'll remember it for the rest of the year. Win-win. 

2- Warm bath

Speaking of warming her up, your foreplay session could be preceded by a hot bath. This sensual Valentine's Day idea involves filling the bathtub with rose petals and scented oils, which will definitely help her relax and prep her body for what's about to come.

Here's the thing. Obviously you're running a hot bath for her; she knows this and so do you. If you're already making the effort, why not commit to it and go all out?

Here are some tips on how to set the mood. Play some sensual grown folks' music (Sade is foolproof -- and it's pronounced "Sha-day"), dim the lights and light the candles and make sure that you are clean (i.e. shower) before stepping in to the tub. There's nothing that kills the romance like knowing you're bathing in your own filth.     

3- Massage oils

Shop around for some massage oils that come packed with flavor. Whether you like banana, almond or chocolate, now you can rub her body down and lick off the remains.

4- New location

Sex on Valentine's Day? Wow, how original. The solution doesn't involve modifying the act; it involves modifying the location. If you're a play-it-safe kind of guy, then throwing her over the dinner table in a moment of passion will read out of character and will likely turn her on. Or try something a bit unexpected like the stairs.

For a real rush, consider public sex. The fact that it's taboo and the fear of getting caught provides an ideal outlet to release your inner kink. It's Sunday night. An evening walk in the woods sounds good. Maybe it's time to take out the trash -- you know, in that alley. Take your sex life to new heights on Valentine's Day, and she'll walk into the office Monday morning with a smirk of her own.

5- Feed her

Maslow wasn't kidding when he said our physiological needs need to be satisfied first. So why not combine two of them for maximum pleasure? Our next sensual Valentine's Day idea involves increasing your libido with food. Cutting up fruit like strawberries, melon, apples, and chocolate can only serve to make the sexual fun even more, well, fun.

6- Blindfold her

The cliche would have you blindfold and feed her. This time, however, we recommend you blindfold her and present her with different scents, making her guess what each one is. Make one of them an actual perfume gift.

Along with the perfume, make her smell things like incense, flowers, oils, etc.

7- Tie her up

"Choke me, spank me, pull my hair." No, that's not where we're going with this entry (but if that's your thing, man, then happy Valentine's Day). Women cited domination (you dominating her) as one of their top 10 female sex fantasies.  

There's nothing quite like having a woman submit to you completely. She wants you to own your raging hormones, she wants you to savagely run your fingers through her hair and to feel the weight of your body. Begin by tying her hands to the bedpost with a scarf (a scarf she will later receive as a gift) and then have your way with her.

8- Use a feather

Going down on her is one thing; using a feather to drive her crazy and make her beg to give it a little lick is another. Use a strong feather -- or any other touch-based sex toy -- to tickle her entire body, ending at her vagina.

9- Buy her lingerie

Most men find it difficult to buy their girlfriend lingerie, so they don't. Here's how to buy her lingerie. Now that you know how, get her a sexy, lacy satin getup, and once she puts it on for you, tear it off and do your thing. Wasn't that easy?

10- Sexy games

No, we're not talking about naked Twister. Try using body paint and playing games in which she has to guess what you're writing on her body. A wrong answer gets you five minutes of oral sex; a right answer gets her five minutes of tongue action.

11- Chocolate

What would this special day be without chocolate -- and the 101 ways that you can play with it? Try melting chocolate on each other, and pace yourself as you devour every inch of her body. If you feel like this Valentine's Day idea isn't substantial enough, combine it with another idea, like prolonged foreplay (No. 1 ).
we dare you

This Valentine's Day, we dare you to channel your inner master provocateur, to get creative and, if nothing else, get kinky. We dare you to make her day so memorable that it will make her girlfriends' boyfriends look like amateurs. Can you handle it?